Woman Seeking MR (Masculinity Remix)


By Danielle Shoots

In the year 2017, I propose heterosexual women take out a new personal ad for what we desire in a male partner. The old romantic staples of long walks on the beach and candlelight dinners is simply not going to cut it for the badass broads of our times. And in a city with increasing costs of living and pressure for families to earn two incomes, neither is the notion of men as “breadwinners.”

There is no amount of money that makes a strong woman want to jump into bed with her man. Want me to jump your bones? Take over the dinner decisions every night, do the grocery shopping without calling me for direction, or manage the kids’ sports schedules. When I walk in the door at night and see my husband sitting with my daughter as she struggles through her math homework, I can barely contain the urge to dive on him in front of the children. And when he schedules a date night reservation at a cool restaurant and lets me download about my day in a corporate world that is entirely boring and unimpressive to him, I can barely wait to get home to show him how sexy he is.

You see, masculinity is defined as the characteristics belonging to a man, or those features we associate with men. There is no fixed notion of what these characteristics are. So I say we redefine them. Put a remix on the societal slants of masculinity that have placed limitations on how men and women interact and what they get from one another. If I were to take out a personal ad for what a real superwoman needs in her man these days, it would look something like this:

Badass woman with incredibly crazy schedule and a mile-long to do list seeks man to be her life partner. Must be confident, with an understanding of our shared roles and the different, but equal values we bring to the partnership and family unit. Must be adept at care-taking as evidenced by little acts of love, kindness, and appreciation.

He will not expect that I will be both the career executive and the one responsible for child rearing in our home just because I am the female. He will plan date nights, tell me I am beautiful, and give me a break when I am losing my shit with the pressures of my professional career. He will care about our kids’ activities and will see it as much his responsibility to get them to those activities and get them home as it is mine.  Above all else, he will understand that masculinity is about strength, because it takes the strongest kind of man to love a woman who sees her life as bigger than social norms and expectations.

In return, he will get a woman who will find happiness in him and the way he has opened her world to possibilities. He will get a partner who looks at him through eyes of gratitude and affection. I will be a better mother who can better navigate the madness of parenthood because I have a partner in taking it on. I will be more fun, more open, less tired, and more fulfilled. I will be comfortable in my skin and will be able to show the world my soul because I will be safe in our partnership, however unconventional.

Together we will raise young men who cook and do laundry because those are the activities needed to make a family run. We will raise young women who are independent, confident, and able to seize the opportunities open to them in their lives in part because they’ve wisely selected partners who support them and their dreams. Together, we will remix the way society views our roles and we will discover the real depth of love possible in a partnership.  Interested?